Tom Nook's Dirty Diary
by The Dark Hand
Summary: Original This is Tom Nook and his dirty adventures in the Animal Crossing world. See through the adventures he has suffered. Crack fics
1. My Day So Far!

Tom Nooks Dirty Diary Page 1: My Day So Far! 

Dec, 01, 1999 Dear Diary,

I met someone name: Kitty, I met her at my shop! She was so sexy! Well too sexy! Her charm left me speechless! I hate myself! She ask for a shirt, at that moment! I scream at her and ran out of my shop!

I wonder what happen? I hope she never met Redd the fox of evil! He sells his crappy things more than their origanal price! He tricks people to buy his crap than mine! I... hate that asshole! I wish for someone to kill him! I would pay any price just to kill him!

Oh! Yeah I forgot to talk about my shop! Today my shop is at the final stage! Now I can save my money for my house! First buy 5 of them, 1 for me the others for rent! The 4 of them in Arc B3 and wait for people to come to pay a rent of 10,000 bells. Man I kick ass!

Back then, it was hard to get a house without one there! Asks the mayor who's now old and and wierd! He asked me a question which is too wierd to ask! He asked who did I admire? I show him to don't ask questions! I told him to 'Shut up' because I admire 3 people Me, myself and my shop! Man I'm good! I didn't tell him my name! Tom Nook! I just hope no one finds this book!

Shit I heard shuffling! Diary you wouldn't mind if I took you to write in! Man I'm scared! I'll take care of you baby, don't you worry! Maybe I'll leave you here!

Tom walks out to find the person to teach them a lesson. Soon after Tom Nook left, a shadow like turtle figure came wrote in Nook's Diary. The thief looks at Tom's 100,000 Bell Vase, he grinned. The turtle pokes it, the vase fell over and broke into a millon of pieces. The turtle ran away saying "Mahahaha! Maha ack! God!", the turtle tripped fell into the river. Tom came back, his eyes widened when he saw the book. "Shit someone wrote in my diary! With the words "I will get you Tom Nook!" Captials! No, my diary is ruined!" Nook sob for the day!

To Be Contined...


	2. What Vase?

Tom Nooks Dirty Diary Page 2: What Vase?

Dec, 02, 1999 Dear Diary,

Some wired, female cat came by, she came with no face it was gross talking to each other.

When she came in she said "Hey where you keep the cookies"

"Here" I said pointing at the cookies. I took a look and saw the most scary thing! A cat with no fucking face! I started to scream out "Holy crap! a faceless monster is going to eat me!" I ran from that cat monster as fast as I could. Then getting home and to to see so many copps there. I wonder were you were my little friend.

I went to get you! You were safe from those bad people. But a cop ask me to pay 100,000 bells from a broken vase now it cost 0 bells. "Fine" he saidI'm not going to buy from a robber!" Robber? Who is he calling robber, he try to steal from me! I had this from my fore father! That retared asshole with a fox like tail and...00 Redd! Darn it! I'm tired of writing, good-bye friend!

PS. I'll tell you about my house next page! 


	3. Me and My house but Mostly Me

Tom Nooks Dirty Diary Page 3: Me and My house but Mostly Me

* * *

Dec, 03, 1999 

Dear Diary,

Today has been a very tiring day, I mean, really nothing to eat. Recently I haven't seen Kitty around. So sad, so lonely. I heard rumours that Redd got laid last night by some chick name Kibby, well that's what I heard, could be kitty and if so, I'll hire a hitman on my nemesis Redd and my girlfriend, Kitty! Well I should tell her soon, really soon. Oh yeah, you want to know my house looks like? Okay I live in a ... box! Yep, a box. Redd convinces everyone that I have stole the vase and it is really a heirloom in my family' generation. I have rid it because it doesn't do anything other than collecting dust. Some people find that fun. Well I have to starting from the top! At least I still have four houses.

Diary, life sucks. At least I have two friends, you and Rover "the train hobo". I first met Rover at the train station getting a ride to Iwaga town so yeah. How would I know he's a train hobo because he said "I live here every day, hilly billy time!" I think I should spend time with tomorrow to teach him some tips and steal pocket money. So I'll have to leave you here.

Bye, dairy see you Dec 5.

* * *

Next Chapter: Helping Rover With Words (It's out of the book!)

A/N: Beta-ed.  
Beta: I pratically had to rewrite the whole thing. :P


End file.
